Single Parent Spotlight: Catherine Owens

How old were your
children when you became a single parent, and how did this come about? 

I was
only 20 weeks pregnant and my ex decided he didn’t want to be a dad or have
anything to do with me so changed the locks and made me homeless

What things have you
found hardest as a single parent? 

Making decisions, the big ones. 

What are the benefits
to parenting alone, in your opinion? 

No arguments with anyone, not having to
take anyone else’s parenting styles into consideration.  Being able to be the mum I want to be. 

Have you faced any
negative judgements/stereotypes for being a single parent? If so can you share
with us what happened and how it made you feel? 

I’ve not really, but then I
tend to stick to being in my own circle of support.  I felt really bad and downtrodden when I had
to go to the housing department and discuss my housing situation when I was
faced with homelessness when my baby was 8 months old.  All emotion or understanding was removed in
the interview and I was simply a name on a form with points
awarded/deducted. 

What sort of
relationship do you have with your ex, and how easy/difficult is it to maintain
for your child? 

I have no relationship whatsoever with my ex.  I have no seen him or had any form of
communication with him since he threw me out. 

How much contact
did/does the father have? 

None- he has never seen her.

Does he pay
maintenance? If so, how did you come to an agreement on the amount? 

He does and
it was all organised via the CSA

What’s your job, and
how many hours do you work per week? 

I am a school librarian and work 35 hours
per week.

Who looks after your
child when you’re working? How do you feel about the current childcare
arrangements? 

She goes to a private nursery when I am working.  It was the only option available to me really
as all childminders were booked and I don’t have family that could take
her.  It is very expensive but then I
doubt I could put a price on someone replacing me during the day.  I get help with the cost of childcare and I
couldn’t work if I didn’t.

How old was your
child when you first went back to work? How easy was it to adjust back into
work? 

She was 11 months old and I found it okay actually. She settled into
nursery really easily.

Have you ever felt
guilt by working? If so, why? 

Not really as I don’t think about it that
way.  I make the most of time with
her.  I do feel guilty having time to
myself at weekend sometimes when she is looked after by my parents or
family. 

What’s your view on
Child /Working Tax Credits, and the cost of childcare? 

I do not understand tax
credits at all or how they are worked out but I need them in order to work.

What is your
work/home/social life like? Have you managed to find a good balance? If so,
how? 

I spend all the time between getting home and bedtime with my daughter and
then relax once she is in bed.  I suffer
with stressing out about housework/ironing. 
I try not to have too many nights out, mainly as I can’t afford it and
also as I miss her. 

Are you dating again?
If so, how long did it take before you were ready to date again? 

Nope – not
ready

What would your top 3
tips be to a newbie single parent?

Don’t let things
build up to the point the stress you out. Talk to someone or if its something
practical either ask for help or if you can pay to get it done.  I paid for someone to do ironing once as it
was really getting me down.  

Build up a
good relationship with your health visiting team, I wouldn’t have coped without
their support when my baby was only months old, just chatting to someone who
wasn’t family really let me offload the weight of responsibility I felt.  

Get out and about if
you are at home all day.  Join groups,
any groups,  Classes if you can afford
them or if not go to mother and toddler groups. 
Even if you go round them all and get to one a day, it gives you reason
to get up and out, entertains your child and allows some face to face adult
chat time, plus it means you then have a network of friend to keep in touch
with once you start working. 

Plan, be
organised.  I don’t go to bed unless bags
are ready for the next day, dishes are all done and place is tidy.  I plan meals ahead and batch cook then freeze
individual portions.