mental health - Single Parent Pessimist

Maintaining Wellbeing During Lockdown

Claire — Wed, 10 Jun 2020 13:58:30 +0000

For many people lockdown is easing, and they're now able to see people in their gardens for barbecues, visit parks and shops are soon to open again.

But for others in vulnerable households, lockdown life is going to continue for a while longer.

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The Kindness of Strangers

Claire — Wed, 17 Apr 2019 17:31:00 +0000

I'm overwhelmed by the private messages, Instagram DMs and emails I've received over the past two days after people read my post about how I'm currently holding on to life as best I can.

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Holding On

Claire — Mon, 15 Apr 2019 19:50:00 +0000

Yes it's been a long time since I last posted.

A lot has happened since last summer and to be honest I've not felt the urge to disclose it all for once in my life.

As the title says, I'm just holding on.

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How I Manage Anxiety And Stress

Claire — Tue, 21 Nov 2017 10:39:00 +0000

Stress... we all have it in different shapes and sizes, but as I'm getting older there seems to be a lot more of it so I've been looking at ways to control it.

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Leaving Emotionally Abusive Relationship and Moving On

Claire — Tue, 25 Jul 2017 19:00:00 +0000

It's been a tough few months, which has included realising I was in an emotionally abusive relationship.

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My Traumatic Fortnight

Claire — Sat, 07 Nov 2015 07:00:00 +0000

You may (or may not) have noticed that I’ve been very quiet on here lately, and that’s because so much stuff is happening in my life at the moment which has been crazy. I feel the urge to offload so this may be a long one! Let’s start with nan. I adore the woman to pieces but her memory has declined a lot over the last few years and this year it has been noticeably bad. She’s a stubborn lady and refuses to accept that this is happening of course, and remains in denial that she is able to care for herself and her home without any help. After taking her to scans and tests, she had another fall (she has hundreds) and was this time hospitalized as she was very confused and appeared to have had a stroke. During her time in hospital we got the results that she has Alzheimers. One of the worst types of dementia in my opinion and whilst it breaks my heart, I am hoping this diagnosis will mean she will have to start accepting help from us and professionals. Whilst she was in hospital, my mum was then rushed to hospital in the middle of the night as she was very ill and wasn’t keeping anything down. I sat with her in the A&E for the whole night before she was then taken to intensive care with kidney failure and other problems. She remained there for the last week and only a couple of nights ago she was put onto a regular ward. They are still not clear why this happened but it triggered a lot of other health problems due to her long-term illnesses so it has been a really tough time. My mum is pretty much my rock and my world, so for her to have been in hospital for nearly two weeks and for most of that she hasn’t been conscious, it’s been tough. I’ve been on autopilot for most of the time and just been doing the usual daily routine with Chunk, keeping up my fitness (maybe this has been a way to release stress) and just trying to live day by day. Now my mum is starting to improve I find myself finally feeling quite low about everything. The last couple of days I have just felt so so down, lethargic and I have no patience with anyone. Thankfully Chunk is not with me this weekend as I feel like I need to kick myself up the butt and sort my head out otherwise I’m no use to him or anybody else. The rainy, dark, cold weather isn’t helping my mood either, nor the fact that I’m broke and Xmas is fast approaching, but I am determined to snap myself out of this self-pitying rubbish and pronto. Any tips would be gratefully received!!! Follow me on Twitter, Pinterest or Facebook

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Competition: Win a Copy of 7 Steps to Achieve Your Goals NLP Meditation

Claire — Fri, 27 Feb 2015 06:30:00 +0000

Are you just like me and find it hard to stick to your goals? I always make a good start but then seem to lose motivation these days, with anything from weight loss to dieting! There is a new 26 minute meditation out that claims to help with this problem, and I have two copies to give away to you lucky readers! To find out more about 7 Steps to Achieve Your Goals by Antonia Boyle, check out my review here. To take part in the competition just enter the Rafflecopter form below, good luck! a Rafflecopter giveaway Follow me on Twitter, Pinterest or Facebook

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My Anxiety Disorder

Claire — Fri, 14 Nov 2014 17:15:00 +0000

This is a pretty personal post, but I guess the older I get the less I care about what other people think. Quite frankly the only person whose opinion I care about is my son’s. Image Courtesy of http://gaynoralder.com/ My family have always described me as the controlling, bossy worrier of the family, because that’s pretty much how I have behaved. As a child when I was given money to spend at the sweet shop I would worry about not spending all of it as I knew my mum didn’t have much money, so would always ensure I took change back. I tend to worry about things on a much higher level than the average person, and a good example is when I bought a new carpet and left it in my car overnight. I spent all night worried that it would be creased because it was folded up, so I didn’t sleep and was very irritable. Ridiculous isn’t it? When I’m not in control my anxiety can be hard to manage, which over the years has impacted on my family and my relationship with men. My son’s sperm donor is the best example as he really did put my anxiety into overdrive. He was an alcoholic who then also turned into a drug addict, and whether he was sober or under the influence he was a persistent liar. Lying is the worst thing for me. It meant I was always worrying if he was telling the truth about where he was, what he was doing and how he felt about me. He would go missing for days, weeks and during this time I was a wreck who would stay in my bedroom crying, panicking and generally not functioning. This was of course before I had my son, because once Chunk was born this helped my anxiety in some ways, because I had someone to protect and look after above myself, so I would no longer put up with a lying, stealing, and frankly quite emotionally abusive partner. Having Chunk also meant I wanted to look at my anxiety, because I didn’t want him growing up becoming a worrier like me. I was then diagnosed with Generalised Anxiety Disorder, and to be honest this made me feel so much relief. I wasn’t just a bossy worrier, my brain just reacts in a very different way to most people’s. I finally realised why my brain only slows down and the worry stops when I am drunk or asleep. My disorder means I will worry about the tiniest thing in the same way that most people worry about huge traumas in their life. It means I am constantly on edge and my body is always in fight or flight mode, so it is very hard to relax. My mind constantly whirs and worries about anything and everything and trying to gain control is the only way I can calm it down, but you cannot control everything in life which is why this can be so hard. When Chunk was 6 weeks old sperm donor relapsed on heroin and made our lives hell for more than a year. He would visit off his head, make threatening calls and even stole money I needed for nappies. Since then he has sobered up but still lies and puts other people (including other people’s children) above my son, so I made the decision to cut him out of my son’s life completely and it was the best choice I made. It was severely impacting on my mental health to the point where on one occasion I lost one of Chunk’s socks and I spent an hour crying, screaming and feeling like I wanted to die because I couldn’t find it. I even had these scary visions of going into the kitchen and grabbing a knife to stab myself with, all over A SOCK. This was the point where I knew I had to get it sorted as my son needed a strong parent, especially because his ‘father’ was useless. I went to my doctor and agreed to take medication for anxiety and depression. This was big for me, as ever since I was a teen I had experienced bouts of unipolar depression but always refused medication as I wanted to beat it myself, which I always did. However I was not prepared to take chances now I had a baby to think about, so I took the pills and I put myself forward for cognitive behavioural therapy, which helps tackle anxiety and depression. I am currently doing the therapy and it is really helping me tackle the way I think about things, so my worrying is getting a lot better, and the medication has calmed my head down so I have actually had the space to live my life and enjoy my parenting. But after a year of medication I have asked to reduce it as I feel ready to be without them. This is the first week it has been halved and already I feel constantly dizzy, my head has sped up and my heart flutters every now and then like it used to. This is odd, because I was only ever on a low dosage (20mg) so reducing to 10mg shouldn’t have given any side effects. During my therapy session yesterday I burst into tears because it hit me that I might return back to my fast, worried head and always needing control and it scares the life out of me. My therapist is amazing, she helped me challenge this thought and reminded me that I am a different person to who I was a year ago and if all else fails I can go back on the medication. I am not a failure if I have to take medication. Some people literally have lower levels of chemicals in their brain that prevent them from being happy like others, so they need medication. If I had an underactive thyroid I would be on tablets […]

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