Single Parent Spotlight: Teresa Dearn

My nineteenth interviewee is 40-year-old Teresa Dearn, an accounts administrator and financial accountant from Brighton and Hove who has one daughter aged six.

How old was your child when you became a single parent, and how did this come about? 

About 6
months old

What things have you
found hardest as a single parent? 

Finding time to do things for my own
sanity!  Being able to go out in the
evening is a minefield.  My daughter
doesn’t see her father so I don’t get every other weekend off as most of the
other single parents I know do.  Trying
to fit everything in and still be a good Mum. 
Not having someone to take over when things get rough or you are having
a tough day.  No back-up when you are
ill.

What are the benefits
to parenting alone, in your opinion?  

The
main benefit is that I don’t have to check with anyone else before making
decisions on behalf of my daughter. 
There are no favourites!  She
cannot pitch one parent against the other in order to get what she wants.  If I say no, it means no and it stops there.

Have you faced any
negative judgements/stereotypes for being a single parent? If so can you share
with us what happened and how it made you feel?  

No.  I think the only time I have
been faced with a stereotype is when someone assumed that I claimed benefits or
tax credits or whatever the term is now. 
I don’t and I think I made that pretty clear to them at the time J. 

What sort of
relationship do you have with your ex, and how easy/difficult is it to maintain
for your child?  

I don’t have any
relationship with him for various reasons. 
The best one being that I am keeping my daughter safe and without a bad
influence.

How much contact does the father have?

None

How does your
child/ren cope with contact? 

She doesn’t worry about it.  She occasionally mentions her Dad, but I tell
her that he loves her very much but he is not in a position to see her right
now.  It’s the best I can give her.

Does he pay
maintenance? If so, how did you come to an agreement on the amount? 

No, none.

What’s your job, and
how many hours do you work per week? 

I have 2 jobs working approximately 40
hours or more per week.  I work as an
accounts administrator for one company and a financial accountant for the
other. 

Who looks after your
child when you’re working? How do you feel about the current childcare
arrangements? 

I have a great support network which I have worked hard at
getting and keeping.  It’s the key
ingredient to being able to raise my daughter. 
She is at after school club 2 days a week, with a friend one day a week,
my Mum picks her up another day and I pick her up from school on the remaining
day.  I am incredibly lucky to have 2
very flexible jobs both with very understanding bosses.  My family and friends are the backbone of my
life and I treasure them all.

How old were your
child/ren when you first went back to work? How easy was it to adjust back into
work?  

My daughter was 5 months old when
I returned to work.  It was hard at
first.  I didn’t want to leave her, but
at the same time I missed work.  Juggling
work and being a Mum is tough.  It takes
a great deal of organisation.

Have you ever felt
guilt by working? If so, why?  

Of
course.  I see other Mums who drop their
kids off every day and pick them up every day. 
They have time to do the homework with their kids.  I barely have time to feed, bath and put mine
to bed most nights.  I wonder if I am
doing the right thing, but it’s the only way I know how to do it and it’s the
only way I can do it.  I have to provide
for my daughter and myself single handedly. 
I want my daughter to grow up knowing that working hard is important and
be a good role model for her.  Our
weekends are special and I try and make them as full as possible.  Have I got the balance right? Who knows?  Only time will tell.

What’s your view on
Child /Working Tax Credits, and the cost of childcare? 

Childcare is expensive
when they are small and attending nursery. 
A very large chunk of my salary was taken up with childcare when I
returned to work.  During that time money
was tight.  Babies are expensive anyway
what with nappies, formula and all the other paraphernalia that goes with them.

What is your
work/home/social life like? Have you managed to find a good balance? If so,
how?  

Lol.  My social life has taken a back seat for the
time being.  Babysitters are
expensive.  Popping out for a drink with
a friend is no longer an option. 
However, as my daughter gets older I’m finding that we can do things
together.  We recently started rock
climbing and bouldering.  She is
hopefully going to start a dance class soon which means I might get a couple of
hours to myself on a Saturday.  Patience
is required as a lone parent.  Freedom to
be social again is not so very far away.

Are you dating again?
If so, how long did it take before you were ready to date again? 

I have had a couple of dates in the last 5
years.  But when you can only get away
once in a while, it tends to put a dampener on that sort of thing.  Besides I would have to give up doing
something else in order to see them. 
What would I give up?   The
ironing?  Batch cooking?  Cleaning? 
Gardening?  Working in the
evening?  Tidying up after the ‘making’
sessions?  It’s like a house of
cards.  Move one and the whole lot will
inevitably crumble!

What tips do you have
for other single parents wanting to meet someone? 

I’m afraid I don’t have any tips.  Be patient. 
Hopefully fate will play a hand.

What would your top 3
tips be to a newbie single parent?  

Get
organised.  Get your support network in
place.  Surround your child with people
who will love them and people you trust implicitly.  Sorry but there is a forth.   Get healthy! 
You are going to need all your strength and stamina!