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    I Nearly Lost My Mum This Month

    26th November 2015

    “You were at deaths door a couple of weeks ago, but we couldn’t tell you that because we didn’t want you to give up the fight.”

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About Me

Hiya, I'm Claire..

Mum of one, step mum of two and dog mum to Yogi. A veg-growing, food-loving, trashy TV addict. I write openly about life, parenting and my quest to be healthier in mind, body and bank balance. Now a bride to be!

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Ad|~ Do you have kids that love to be creative? Ad|~ Do you have kids that love to be creative?I've been asked to try out the new Fablab Glitter and Glow Party Pack from @playmonsteractivitiesukIt's for anybody age 8+ and has so many things to do in the pack, including nail stickers, nail varnish, hair chalk and glitter tattoos.They can all be glow in the dark by simply charging under natural or artifical sunlight for 2 to 3 hours, and there's even hair bobbles that glow in the dark!The set is great for sleepovers, pamper parties and even for the adults who go clubbing and want some neon glow in the dark looks.@smythstoys @wire_pr
Happy Birthday to my furbaby, who is now older th Happy Birthday to my furbaby, who is now older than me!It's been a really tough year, and it's only going to get tougher as my mum continues to decline and come to the end of her life.I'm exhausted, emotional, numb, stressed and overwhelmed most days and this beautiful boy never fails to make me smile or comfort meHe knows when I'm sad and he's right there, literally trying to lick the tears awayHe always wants to know where I am and follows me around wherever I go, ensuring I'm OK.One day he will leave me, but until then I am thankful for having him in our lives for 7 whole years so farHappy pupday Yogi!#chorkiesofinstagram #chorkie #chorkielove #chorkiemum #chorkiemom #dogsarebetterthanpeople #doglovers
Ad:~ SPIROGRAPH DESIGNWe've been trying out the Ad:~ SPIROGRAPH DESIGNWe've been trying out the Spirograph Design Set at the start of our summer holidays and had so much fun already!This 30-piece Set comes with a range of pieces to create loads of gorgeous designs.It comes with a handy storage tray, pens, paper and even Spiro-Putty to stick it in place whilst you create your masterpieces!#spirograph #playmonsteruk #wirepr @playmonsteractivitiesuk @smythstoys @wire_pr
I'm losing my mum.At the young age of 59 she's I'm losing my mum.At the young age of 59 she's been told she is now end of life and may only have a few months.It's been a very difficult couple of years leading up to this, and we thought we had more time.The guilt of how I've acted over the last few years due to struggling with life, AuDHD getting worse with perimenopause, my chronic pain, Single parenting and caring for my mum has resulted in me not being a nice daughter to be around most of the timeI can't get those years back and fix them. I can't erase them by improving how I am in the future as there is no future now.I'm grateful my mum was my best friend.For all of my life she's been my rock, my foundation and my safe place.She's always been my protector and biggest cheerleader.Only two other people would have helped me through this loss of her, but they both died in recent years.Facing this life alone scares me. Losing the home my mum and I have had for 6 years scares me. The impact of all this for my 12 year old who adores his Nan, scares me.But there's nothing I can do.I've hardly been on socials all year, as the amount of calls, visits, emails and planning for doctors, nurses, tests, hospital, carers, physio, OTs, social workers, therapists as well as actually caring for mum, my son, my dog and dealing with my increasing disabilities have all taken their toll.I have no hobbies apart from watching tv for escapism from the pain and grief. I want to record more @mindvoxpod episodes but I'm exhausted and rarely construct sentences well these days.Anticipatory grief is horrific.No idea why I'm pouring this out, but these days I have nobody to talk to and this open space feels catharticTo all those who've lost their primary attachment parent, I'm finally understanding it's a pain like no other. She brought me into this world and is now leaving me alone in it. She is scared and I dont know how to help her or protect her.She deserved so much more from this life than she got, and I somehow have to find a way to process the anger and pain this leaves me with to create a legacy for her.Any ideas how, feel free to message me#anticipatorygrief #griefjourney
#sandwichgeneration #sandwichcaregiver #sandwichge #sandwichgeneration #sandwichcaregiver #sandwichgenerationlife #audhd #audhdwoman #adhdasf #autisticwomen
Anyone else ruin their clothes from body focused r Anyone else ruin their clothes from body focused repetitive behaviours and/or stimming?!#audhd #audhdwoman #audhder #audhdcommunity #autisticadults #autisticwomen #adhdasf #adhdwomen
BROOKHAVEN FEATURE TANKAd|~pr gift We've been se BROOKHAVEN FEATURE TANKAd|~pr gift We've been sent this brand new Brookhaven tank by @jazwaresIt's got so many great features from lights to ejectable turrets and comes with an exclusive virtual item code!My son loves anything army, as well as Brookhaven so this made his Easter holidays 💜Have your kids been enjoying Brookhaven this holiday?#brookhavenrp #jazwares #roblox #brookhaven #unboxing @smythstoys @wire_pr
GIVE SELF COMPASSION THIS MOTHER'S DAYMother's a GIVE SELF COMPASSION THIS MOTHER'S DAYMother's and Caregivers Day 2024 is here!It's been an emotional one, as my mum's been incredibly poorly for a few months now, and the constant worry, fear, guilt and anxiety is starting to take its toll on my body and mind.Thanks to @thebeaconeastbourne for interviewing me as part of their Mother's Day round up for their website and socials.The quote they attached to this photo is inspired by recent events for me, as my lack of self compassion has caused me more stress in the long run.My therapist has advised I find ways to be kind to myself, acknowledge my mistakes and pain in kinder ways and take time to take stock.All of this scares me, but the body doesn't lie, and if I want the panic attacks and constant acid reflux to stop, I need to start making changes, so I reshared my quote in case it helps anyone else in a similar positionHappy M.D to all the mums, nans and categivers out there, and big love to those wishing they could be with loved ones who are no longer with you 💚#mothersday2024 #mothersday #sandwichcarer #sandwichcaregiver #sandwichgeneration #parentcarers #chronicillnessawareness #singleparent #loneparenting #singlemumlife
LEAP YEAR ANNIVERSARYHow can it be 4 years alrea LEAP YEAR ANNIVERSARYHow can it be 4 years already since I surprised my man by proposing to him via a national newspaper!Life's been incredibly challenging for us as individuals so it's taken a backstep, but that doesn't stop our commitment so does it matter?!It's so unique to celebrate this memory only once every 4 years so I couldn't pass it by 💚#leapyearproposal #leapyear #longdistancerelationship #longdistancelove #engagementring
UNPACKING NEURONORMATIVITYLast week I got to mee UNPACKING NEURONORMATIVITYLast week I got to meet a ND idol of mine, Sonny aka @livedexperienceeducator at their Brighton talk at @thequeerybtnThey've taught me so much throughout my late AuDHD diagnosis journey, and this talk opened my mind even more!The seminar was about Unpacking & Decentering Neuronormativity, and covered:😱 How the pathology paradigm can shape our beliefs, attitudes, expectations, and standards➡️ The roots of neuronormativity - colonialism, white supremacy, and capitalism😱 How the DSM can be seen as a social construct.➡️ How both neurodivergents and neurotypicals can convey neuronormative values, which was an eye opener!It was great to hear other NDs from my local area talk about their own experiences as adults, kids and parents and for once I felt less alone 😢I now need to buy Sonny's new book (already have the first) called We're All Neurodiverse and make sure I use it to educate those around me and even to my pod listeners on @mindvoxpod 💚#LivedExperienceEducator #SonnyJaneWise #Neuronormativity #Neurodiversity #Neurodivergent #Neuorodivergence #NeurodiversityParadigm #PathologyParadigm #thequeerybrighton #audhd #adhdasfemales #autisticadults(Image Description: A photo of Claire and Sonny, both smiling)
2024 THE YEAR OF GROWTHI've hardly been online f 2024 THE YEAR OF GROWTHI've hardly been online for the last few months as the burnout is worsening.Being a sandwich carer alone when you have physical chronic pain and neurodivergent conditions is incredibly hardI'm not a nurturing, patient or bubbly person so it's not the best experience to be parented or cared for by me, but reframing this....I'm trying my best and I keep turning up each day when others wouldn't and don't.Isolation has always been how I get better, recharge and recover. These days I'm not so much isolated through choice so it's not doing what it used toMy back has been horrific for the last week and no signs of improvement. I suspect pip will reject me and adhd meds are nowhere to be found in the UK at the moment so I'm less focused, motivated and more upset with myelf.I've felt hopeless and angry with the world for some time now. My resentments are building but they're making me ill, so 2024 needs to be the year of change.I've started Cognitive Analytical Therapy and today trying to write a timeline of traumatic and significant events is much harder than I realised.Usually I can relay trauma like a robot, but seeing the long list, thinking about what happened each time to write it out is hitting differently.It's painful. It's making me cry.It's taken me back to my last breakdown where I visited my nan in the dementia home and for a few minutes she was back to her old self, helping me through my depression like she did throughout my teens.My AUDHD means I forget so much and need visuals to remind me of people, things and times.I saw this pic, bleached from sun damage and it flooded me with her.I miss her so muchTimes like this I would call her and she's not here to help meI hope she's not too disappointed in how I am these days, I hope she can see I put everyone else but me first even if I moan whilst doing it.I can hear her asking me what's the matter ducky? And telling me that I matter tooSo let's make this year a time of growth and positive change. Or at least die trying!#2024 #cognitiveanalyticaltherapy #audhd #adhdasf #adhdasfemales #autisticadults ##mentalhealthmumday #mumsmentalhealth
XMAS 2023Ad|~gifted- I can't believe we're here XMAS 2023Ad|~gifted- I can't believe we're here again already!It's been a tough few months, so I've not been organised at all, but I've managed to put together a little guide of some great gifts I've found online during my last minute Xmas shopping!There's a range of ideas for kids, teens and adults, and they include:Jewellery from @wolfandzephyr- use discount code SPP10Great outdoor clothing from @lighthousestylePersonalised gifts from @laser_made_occasionsSustainable gifts from the @ClothesDoctorukToys and gadgets from @kikkerlandA range of board games for the family from @cheatwellgamesand lots more!Check out the full guide on my website (link in bio)Merry Festive Season to you all!#xmas2023 #xmasgiftideas #giftideas #giftsforher #giftsforhim #xmasgiftguide
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