“You were at deaths door a couple of weeks ago, but we couldn’t tell you that because we didn’t want you to give up the fight.”
Those are the words I heard the doctor say to my mother two days ago and they have sat with me ever since. This put the last few weeks
in shocking perspective for me.
I knew she was seriously ill, – intensive care isn’t exactly for minor ailments, but at no point did I feel losing her was an option, and whilst part of me is angry I wasn’t told this by the doctors at the time, I’m also relieved I didn’t know because I would not have been able to cope with day to day life and parenting my boy for the last few weeks this has been going on.
My mum is my world. She has dedicated her life to my sister and I even when we haven’t deserved it, and her grandchildren ADORE her.
She is the only person in this world who knows how to calm my anxiety disorder, who knows what to say to stop my panic and she knows when to say nothing at all and to just let me cry.
She is amazing because every day she fights to stay alive and not let all of her long-term illnesses
get the better of her and her mood. She has shown me that you don’t give up, you laugh so you don’t cry and you keep strong for your kids.
These last few weeks have been a blur as I’ve been on autopilot, but now things are calmer and she is finally home, my mind has started to process what has happened and what could have been the outcome and it’s left me quite shaken to be honest.
Don’t get me wrong, my mum has a long way to go on the road to recovery, but she is now able to recognise us, she is eating and drinking and she is starting to walk again.
My son has been amazing and whenever we are looking after mum he goes up to her bedroom to check she is okay and he’s even rubbed cream onto her dry, swollen legs and feet.
Seeing my three year old looking having so much empathy and concern for his nanny was so beautiful and it’s moments like that which remind me how special my beautiful boy is to me, and how precious life is.
This may be corny, but next time you argue with a loved one please make sure you sort it out before you go to sleep that day. You truly never know what could happen from minute to minute.