How To Co-Parent Effectively

22nd February 2021

Co-parenting can be a real struggle. It may take years of work for parents to establish a successful co-parenting relationship. Fortunately, if you have not gotten to this point, there is still room for improvement. 

Rather than focusing on your flaws, you can highlight the positives and strive towards resolving any conflict that you may have with your previous partner. 

Below are a few ways you can build a healthy and productive co-parenting relationship.

Heal From the Past

Family therapists recommend that to succeed at co-parenting, you must first heal yourself.

If either or both parents do not strive to move on, they risk bringing their hurt into the co-parenting relationship. 

To avoid such inconveniences, therapists suggest that parents should view the relationship as completed rather than failed. When you find happiness as an individual, you are more likely to co-parent with intention and focus. 

Set Clear Boundaries

If you set clear boundaries and establish the things you can control, it will be much easier for you and your ex-partner to work as co-parents.

For instance, you may not have control over their new partner and whether or not they choose to introduce them to your children. 

parent and child in shadows

Have a Predetermined Schedule

Co-parenting comes with a lot of time transitions. These would be more manageable for all the parties involved if everyone had a predetermined and reliable schedule

Most parents who have successfully established a co-parenting relationship have healthy communication skills.

They are confident that they can count on the other parent to maintain their commitments unless in extraordinary circumstances. 

Be Flexible

While it’s recommendable to have a reliable co-parenting schedule, it’s also essential that you are flexible with each other.

Accommodate your ex-partner as much as you would wish for them to do the same with you. 

Even if you suspect that your ex-partner will not return the same courtesy.

Demonstrating how you would like the arrangement to be will be more effective than expressing it verbally. 

Do Not Discuss Your Issues in Front of the Children

In some cases, you may have to begin co-parenting before you’ve finalized your previous relationship.

If you were legally married, divorce solicitors might still be in the process of helping you complete some matters such as the division of property or financial allocations. 

Even if a misunderstanding arises in this process, ensure that you never discuss it in front of your children.

Avoid airing your frustrations and leave your lawyers to handle the matter professionally. 

Have Consistent Rules Which Apply to Both Households

Although they’re not very fond of it, children should have a routine and structure. Matters such as bedtime, completing chores, and mealtime should be consistent and apply to both households. The same applies to completing projects and school work. 

Following a set of particular rules creates a sense of predictability and security for children. It would be best to teach them that specific regulations must be enforced, regardless of which parent they are with. 

Co-parenting or shared custody can either be challenging and frustrating or collaborative and peaceful. Applying these tips will help you to build a healthy co-parenting relationship with your ex-partner. 

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