11 Dating Tips For Single Parents
Getting back into the dating game after taking some time out can be hard, especially for single parents. The creator of The Love Life Agency, Charlotte Lewis, has been kind enough to share with Single Parent Pessimist her useful tips for us single parents to get back into the dating game;
Some of the most common complaints I hear from single men and women who are looking for love are ‘I don’t feel good enough, I don’t have time or I don’t feel I can trust someone again’.
Most people lack child-free time nowadays, so dating as a single parent can be even more of a struggle to fit into a busy schedule. I started The Love Life Agency, because a lot of my clients who wanted help finding love were time-poor.
Subscribers of the website receive a weekly coaching video with tasks, goals and challenges that will guide and support them in finding and keeping the love of their life. There is no excuse not to make time for yourself to find love as you can watch the videos at any time of the day or week! If you want a relationship but aren’t sure where or when to start, here are my top 11 tips for dating as a single parent.
11 Dating Tips For Single Parents
1) First of all, ask yourself WHY you want to date now? Are you lonely? Is your self-esteem low? Do you want a father or mother for your children? What gaps are you looking to fill in your life? What needs are you trying to fill?
For example, if it is loneliness, can you go out with your friends a little more often? Can you join a club or group where you will meet people who have similar interests to you? If your self-esteem is low, can you start doing the inner work you need to regain this? If you want to feel loved, can you start to start practising more self-love for yourself through healthy eating, exercise, yoga, meditation and more rest time.
Always ask yourself ‘Is this loving for my mind, body and soul?’ If you find out your WHY then you are more likely to choose a partner who will fit in with you and your life better, rather than someone who you are hoping will fill the gaps in your life.
2) Following on from above, I would suggest to start doing the inner work that’s needed so you can make the right choice in a partner, and start to clear any emotional baggage that you may be carrying around.
Are there feelings of not being good enough to date? Do you feel that no one will date you because you have children? Is there a fear of rejection? Do you have a habit of sabotaging relationships so that you don’t get hurt again? Is there anyone you need to forgive? You may be harbouring resentment and anger towards parents, friends and family, not just your ex.
Forgiveness is one of the most powerful tools to creating a life filled with love and attracted a soul mate relationship. Take a look at your belief systems around love too. What was the relationship with your parents like? What type of relationship did you have with your mother and father? These relationships shape our belief systems around love and have an impact on all areas of our life, not just in love. Is there anything you need to be aware of that is driving your belief systems?
These will be deep-rooted in the subconscious part of the brain which amazingly makes up 95% of the brain. Do you have a belief on men or relationships in general? It is very likely that unless you are aware of your subconscious belief systems, these are ruling your thoughts and actions around love.
3) Meditation has many amazing benefits but the one that will help you find love is that it will strengthen your intuition and help you to access your subconscious so you can work out what false belief systems are driving you.
Meditation will also help you to become aware and in control of your thoughts so you can control your mind. If you can control your mind, you will control and direct your life in the direction you want.
4) Ask yourself if you are ready to date? If you get in touch with your intuition, you will know this! So how else can you tell if you are ready to date? Well, if you don’t feel a need to date or feel a need for a partner, then it is likely that you are ready.
5) Don’t let yourself get too comfortable being single. Staying in our comfort zone is never a good idea, especially in love. My belief is it is totally OK to date a few people and see what type of man or woman you would like a relationship with. Don’t focus on finding ‘the one’, just enjoy meeting new people, having new experience, making new friends and just generally enjoying life.
We meet people in life for a reason, and so it is more than likely everyone you date is going to teach you something about yourself or help you decide what you do or don’t want in a relationship. Until there has been a conversation around being exclusive, dating more than one person will help you to make a decision who stands out, who puts you first and who is worthy of your love. It also means you won’t be putting too much pressure on one person.
Charlotte Lewis, Creator of The Love Life Agency
6) Start carving out the time to date is so important. If you want to date or have a relationship, then start making it is as important to find blocks of time the same way you would in other areas of your life.
A great idea is to write down all the people you think would be happy to act as a babysitter for you if you ever needed them. You probably have a lot more people who are willing to help you out than you think. If you know that your ex has the kids at a certain time in the week or month, schedule that day or evening as a self-care and date time. If you find someone you want to date, then you already have some time to fit it in – and if you don’t find someone you can take time out for yourself, which is equally as important. It is important to let go of any guilty about spending time away from your kids – it is more than likely that your kids want you to be happy and find love again.
7) Self-love is the key to finding a loving relationship so make it a priority to practice self-love on a daily basis. If your self-love and self-esteem is a little low, ask yourself how you can raise this? Can you think back to a time you were totally in love with yourself? How can you make changes and adjustments to get back to who you really are?
8) Be clear on the type of relationship and man you want, and then use the power of the internet to start meeting men that fill your vision. The universe has a way of giving us what we ask for, so raise the bar high and ask for what you REALLY want. If you don’t know what you want, it is likely you are going to attract relationships exactly like that – something you don’t want.
Online websites such as MeetUp are great because you join groups and arrange social events with like-minded people. Specific dating sites are also useful in meeting the type of man you desire. I was super clear about the type of relationship I wanted and met my boyfriend on a Jewish dating site! Again let your female intuition guide you here to decide what is right for you.
9) I would advise having a conversation with your kids about how they would feel if you started dating again. Although you shouldn’t let your children dictate your love life, it is wise to listen to your children’s feelings and keep checking in with them throughout the process of dating and starting a new relationship.
Although who you date is up to you, if you decided to become a family then your children should definitely be included in the process. It is important to realise you are not just dating, but potentially starting a new family.
10) When you do find someone you would like to progress from just dating to a potential new relationship, remember to have the balance between spending time with your children and new partner, being mindful not to make either feel left out or like they are losing you as a parent.
It’s easy to get caught up in the feeling of falling in love and the excitement it brings, but it is so important to make your children feel loved and included in your life.
It is sensible to address their fears when dating by asking questions such as ‘I understand that me dating may scare you as you may feel that our family is going to change/you will lose me as a parent/that you think I won’t love you anymore, but I want you to know that you are very important to me and I want you to come to me and tell me how you are feeling if you need to.’
11) Understand that dating again is a learning process, and that you may have to forgive yourself for any mistakes along the way. Stay true to yourself, put yourself first and remember that you are worthy of love again.
If you are single and you want to find a relationship that lights up your life and makes you feel alive, Charlotte offers a free 7 day mini video challenge as an introduction to The Love Life Agency.
The Love Life Agency offers weekly coaching videos that include tools, challenges and goals for you to work towards that will motivate and support you on the path to finding true love. Charlotte also offers 1-2-1 coaching programmes for men and women who want to work with her on an individual basis.
If you would like a free 30-minute coaching call as an introduction, please send an email to [email protected] to arrange.
This guest post was written by Charlotte Lewis.