Single Parent Spotlight: Kelly
The aim of these interviews is to show how AMAZING us working single parents are.
I want to highlight how hard, but also how rewarding being a working single parent is, and to hear how other people in my position handle the tougher times, in the hopes I learn how to be the best parent I can be!
I’m sick of seeing the bad press single parents get in the media, because some single parents have taken the choice to live off benefits, or even worse, have children in order to get benefits. We all seem to get tarred with the same negative brush!
My 26th interviewee is 50-year-old Kelly, a childminder and baby-signer from East Sussex who has a 12-year-old son and 9-year-old daughter.
How old were your
children when you became a single parent, and how did this come about?
children when you became a single parent, and how did this come about?
They were 9 and 6. My ex husband
decided that we mutually agreed to separate!
decided that we mutually agreed to separate!
What things have you
found hardest as a single parent?
found hardest as a single parent?
The way my ex treats
my kids.
my kids.
What are the benefits
to parenting alone, in your opinion?
to parenting alone, in your opinion?
No longer having to
pretend that my ex was involved in bringing up the children.
pretend that my ex was involved in bringing up the children.
Have you faced any
negative judgements/stereotypes for being a single parent? If so can you share
with us what happened and how it made you feel?
negative judgements/stereotypes for being a single parent? If so can you share
with us what happened and how it made you feel?
I think when I have
it has been self imposed, once I got over feeling that I was a ‘bad parent’ for
not working harder at staying together for the sake of the children, I realised
that I was not being judged by any of the people that matter.
it has been self imposed, once I got over feeling that I was a ‘bad parent’ for
not working harder at staying together for the sake of the children, I realised
that I was not being judged by any of the people that matter.
What sort of
relationship do you have with your ex, and how easy/difficult is it to maintain
for your children?
relationship do you have with your ex, and how easy/difficult is it to maintain
for your children?
He no longer speaks
to me because he claims I have anger issues. He is no longer allowed to come
to the house after I called the police when he came into my house using
threatening behaviour! He sends texts to arrange to see my daughter, but my son
doesn’t want to see him anymore.
to me because he claims I have anger issues. He is no longer allowed to come
to the house after I called the police when he came into my house using
threatening behaviour! He sends texts to arrange to see my daughter, but my son
doesn’t want to see him anymore.
How much contact does the father have?
He started by seeing
both my children every Sunday, but he reduced that to three times a month after
the first year, as he needed to have some time for himself and it was making it
difficult for his relationship as he never had a whole weekend free. (Bless
him!)
both my children every Sunday, but he reduced that to three times a month after
the first year, as he needed to have some time for himself and it was making it
difficult for his relationship as he never had a whole weekend free. (Bless
him!)
How do your
children cope with contact?
children cope with contact?
As I said my son no
longer sees him, the last time he did, my ex called me to go and collect him
because he felt sick, my son overheard his dad say to his girlfriend ‘don’t
worry I’m not letting him back in the car if he feels sick!’
longer sees him, the last time he did, my ex called me to go and collect him
because he felt sick, my son overheard his dad say to his girlfriend ‘don’t
worry I’m not letting him back in the car if he feels sick!’
My daughter does
still go but she usually comes back upset and he often lets her down, twice
this year he’s not seen her for three weeks in a row, the only time I said I
didn’t want him to see her was mother’s day, she was available all other
Sundays.
still go but she usually comes back upset and he often lets her down, twice
this year he’s not seen her for three weeks in a row, the only time I said I
didn’t want him to see her was mother’s day, she was available all other
Sundays.
Does he pay
maintenance? If so, how did you come to an agreement on the amount?
maintenance? If so, how did you come to an agreement on the amount?
Yes, but I did have
to get child maintenance involved, so not by his choice!
to get child maintenance involved, so not by his choice!
What’s your job, and how many hours do you
work per week?
work per week?
I teach baby signing
and childmind- 7 hours signing term time only, 10 childminding term time, and more
in the holidays, plus paperwork for both.
and childmind- 7 hours signing term time only, 10 childminding term time, and more
in the holidays, plus paperwork for both.
Who looks after your
children when you’re
working? How do you feel about the current childcare arrangements?
children when you’re
working? How do you feel about the current childcare arrangements?
My children are at
school when I teach and with me when I mind.
school when I teach and with me when I mind.
How old were your
children when you first went back to work? How easy was it to adjust back into
work?
children when you first went back to work? How easy was it to adjust back into
work?
My children were 3
weeks and 6 weeks old when I went back to childminding as when you tell people
to find alternative childcare for 6 months you lose them!
weeks and 6 weeks old when I went back to childminding as when you tell people
to find alternative childcare for 6 months you lose them!
Have you ever felt
guilt by working? If so, why?
guilt by working? If so, why?
A little as although
my children are with me when I am childminding, they have to share my attention
and their toys!
my children are with me when I am childminding, they have to share my attention
and their toys!
What’s your view on Child /Working Tax
Credits, and the cost of childcare?
Credits, and the cost of childcare?
I receive
Child/Working Tax Credits and I don’t think we could survive without it, but the
childcare part is not relevant to me so I haven’t looked at it, I believe you
need to be on a very low income to claim it though.
Child/Working Tax Credits and I don’t think we could survive without it, but the
childcare part is not relevant to me so I haven’t looked at it, I believe you
need to be on a very low income to claim it though.
What is your
work/home/social life like? Have you managed to find a good balance? If so,
how?
work/home/social life like? Have you managed to find a good balance? If so,
how?
What’s a social
life??? I get to go out, in the evening
about once a month, I do have lovely friends, but we tend to ‘do lunch’ so
evenings can be quite lonely. (So
similar to when I was married but there was another adult in the house then).
life??? I get to go out, in the evening
about once a month, I do have lovely friends, but we tend to ‘do lunch’ so
evenings can be quite lonely. (So
similar to when I was married but there was another adult in the house then).
Are you dating again?
If so, how long did it take before you were ready to date again?
If so, how long did it take before you were ready to date again?
Kind of! I went on my
first date two years after my marriage broke up, we dated properly for a couple
of months but he ended it, he still comes round with take away once or twice a
week, but we don’t go out any more.
first date two years after my marriage broke up, we dated properly for a couple
of months but he ended it, he still comes round with take away once or twice a
week, but we don’t go out any more.
What tips do you have
for other single parents wanting to meet someone?
for other single parents wanting to meet someone?
I haven’t got a clue,
the man I spend time with I knew from 30 years ago!
the man I spend time with I knew from 30 years ago!
What would your top 3
tips be to a newbie single parent?
tips be to a newbie single parent?
Don’t be hard on
yourself, you and your kids will be fine.
yourself, you and your kids will be fine.
Do ask for help when
you need it, it only occurred to me last year that I am happy to help my
friends when they need me and this actually works both ways.
you need it, it only occurred to me last year that I am happy to help my
friends when they need me and this actually works both ways.
Focus on what you
have got, even if your ex is an arse, you did get the beautiful little people
you love with all your heart out of the time with him.
have got, even if your ex is an arse, you did get the beautiful little people
you love with all your heart out of the time with him.
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