Why I’ve Had To Write A Will…aka Guardianship

23rd December 2014
Writing a Will is Vital for Lone Parents

As all my loyal readers know, my son has not had contact with his sperm donor (aka SD) for quite some time for many reasons, including drug and alcohol addiction and also very selfish behaviour, lies and let downs when sober.

Unfortunately I made the very daft decision (I blame my post given birth hormones) to include SD on the birth certificate. As soon as I did that, I gave him PR (parental responsibility) in the eyes of the law. This means that even if he has no contact, pays nothing towards his child and is not a father in any sense or form, I still have to obtain his permission to do things such as move to certain countries with my son, to take him on holiday abroad for more than three weeks at a time and to change his surname.

I pray for the day that this rather stupid, archaic law gets changed, but don’t hold my hopes up!

Recently I have had a few health problems and been diagnosed with things that do have the potential to shorten my life, and it has got me thinking a lot about my son’s future. By law, if I died tomorrow he would immediately go to SD who would have full parental rights regardless of his behaviour in the duration of my son’s little life.

This thought terrifies me, because SD cannot even look after himself let alone a child and he is someone that only looks out for himself at all times. He is also an awful role model, has the emotional intelligence of a toddler and has serious anger issues, so not someone I would want my son to be looked after by!

So this is why I’ve had to write a Will and I totally recommend anybody that is in a similar position as me to do the same!

Last week I spoke to a lovely lady at The Co-Operative Legal Services who completed the Will with me over the phone, after she had posted me some paperwork to help me work out what I would want included the week before.

Basically I was able to appoint a number of guardians within my Will who would have clear instructions on how to take SD to court to ensure they had sole residency in the event of my death. I had to write a statement giving all the reasons why I feel this is the safest option for my son, which would be read by the judge and would aid their decision. I love that I would still get to fight for my son’s needs and protection even beyond the grave!

I have ensured all the guardians have had copies of this statement so they know what they would need to do and I also had to explain in my Will why these people would be the best choice for my son.

The relief I have felt since doing this is unreal. As a parent, I’m sure you understand when I say that even on the day he was born I was already worrying about the dangers he would face as a teenager, young adult and even as a parent himself! So to alleviate some worry is an amazing feeling!

Another great thing I’ve noticed whilst sorting out my Will is that The Co-Operative Legal Services have have a free guide to help separated and divorced parents have a stress-free Christmas.. You can view the guide here.

I was given my Will by The Co-Operative Legal Services to review in this post. No payment was received and all opinions are honest and my own. 

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  • Michaela – Two Little Paines

    23rd December 2014 at 8:56 pm

    This is definitely something I need to do when I eventually have enough money to pay more than the gas/electric!! The thought of my two ending up with their 'dad' absolutely terrifies me and has me awake a lot thinking about it.
    Is the bit about going away for more than 3 weeks right? I was told before that even if I wanted to go abroad for a week I'd need signed permission from 'it' and that's put me off even bothering – he hasn't seen the kids for over 20mths so why would I want to seek him out for his permission!

  • Unknown

    1st January 2015 at 10:08 pm

    This sort of thing terrifies me. I am in a similar situation to you, and I got half way through writing a will then ran out of steam.

  • Unknown

    2nd January 2015 at 9:42 pm

    It worries me about parental responsibility side of things. I have written a will and hope that my explanation of where my children would live if anythin happens to me is taken into account.

  • Anonymous

    3rd January 2015 at 8:09 pm

    This is a great post. I put off writing a will for years and years until I developed a live threatening illness several years ago. Even then, it took me months to pull myself together and visit a solicitor and write it all down. For our children's sake, we need to take the bull by the horns… But easier said than done !

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